1. A recent khutbah on the subject of weddings has thrown me into some confusion. The Imam said that a Sunnah wedding consists of a very simple and modest ceremony. I'm going to get married this summer and my parents want to threw a large party with a Qawwali group performing religious songs and wedding songs. It will involve some expense but aren't weddings supposed to be joyous occasions? Would we be wrong to splash out?
The Imam is right. It is the advice of the Prophet (s.A.w.) not to be spendthrift. But it is not intended to prevent people from having a good time and enjoying what is a memorable and happy occasion. Entertaining guests with food and Qawwali is actually a Sunnah of the Prophet. Aisha (may God be pleased with her) had a maid who was preparing to marry an Ansari and the Prophet (s.A.w.), asked her whether she had arranged for singers at the wedding. Aisha enquired as to what they might sing and the Prophet sang some simple lines of instruction.
I am completely opposed to the idea of splashing out. There is a Hadith of the Prophet which says "The worst wedding dinner is the one which is given to the rich and denied to the poor." If there is going to be an expensive dinner party, then it should make provisions for the less well off in the community. There are a wealth of causes deserving of our wealth and there could be no better start for the newly-weds than to invoke the blessings of Allah by not forgetting the needy.
(121 - Munakahat 9)
2. Is it acceptable to mutter four letter words of abuse to yourself in anger and in frustration even if they're not directed towards anyone and they're not doing people any harm?
I think that another sound Hadith from the Prophet should suffice. "Do not curse yourself, do not curse your children do not curse your wealth. If you do, you may find that those people / things really get cursed at the expense of the waiting doors of heaven." Of course we get angry and frustrated as human being. This is not unnatural. But instead of cursing the name of God, as is often done, we should seek his forgiveness by saying "astaghfirullah". Similarly, if someone's relatives, friends or family were cursed, then their forgiveness should also be sought immediately. The Prophet is reported to have said: "I am human being. Sometimes I get angry like any human being. If I cursed or abused anyone, may Allah turn that into mercy and forgiveness for the person whom my anger was directed at."
(52 - Islamic Conduct 2)
