A Precious Past, A Hopeful Future.
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You will now have to make a number of important decisions. Some suggestions may help you to do what you think best and to gather the memories which may mean so much in the future for you and your family. However, it is important to remember that iti is your baby who has died, and that the arrangements should be as you want them, not as others (no matter how well meaning or experienced) wish. What is right for some parents may not suit others. Perhaps the best advice we can give is to take your time, consider all the options, and satisfy yourself that you are doing what you feel is right. Children are affected by a death in their family. Experience tells us that it is best to immediately tell children of the death of their baby brother or sister. Give them the opportunity to see the baby and, if they wish, to take part fully in the funeral service. It is important that you have involvement in the funeral arrangements. Relatives and friends sometimes think that, by taking over the arrangements, they are helping you. However, it is important that you have as much to do with your baby's farewell as you did with his/her arrival. There are many options regarding your baby's farewell. Some families wish to take their baby home to say goodbye before the funeral service. Others wish to avail of the hospital or funeral parlour services. You should take your time in making this decision. Once you have made the decision, think through the arrangements you would best like. For example, choose the clothes you want your baby to wear. Family members may like to put toys and other things that have special meaning for them in the coffin with the baby. You may wish to carry your baby's coffin yourself. A hearse need not be used - the coffin may be carried by the parent(s) in a car driven by a friend or relative. The choice of type and place of burial is very important. When making your decision, ensure that you will be able to visit your baby's grave as often as you wish. You may like to discuss this with the undertaker or to contact ISIDA. Financial considerations may also have to be taken into account. The hospital social worker may be able to offer advice, or you can contact ISIDA. Memories of your baby are very important. Suggested keepsakes would include: A photograph of your baby (you may never want to look at the photos, but if such a time does come, they will be there for you); Hand and foot-prints (ask the hospital staff or funeral director to do this for you); A lock of hair; The clothes your baby was dressed in when he/she died; Flowers from the funeral can be pressed and framed. In all Christian denominations, a funeral service can be held for baptised and non-baptised children alike, if required. If your baby has died before the Baptism, contact the hospital chaplain or your parish clergy to discuss arrangements for this service. Seeking the support and advice of your family doctor and public health nurse can be helpful in the early days following your baby's death. They will be able to clarify for you the information the hospital has given you. Contact them as soon as possible. |